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The end of me is the starting of God; I am undone tonight, to be Yours... (ALWAYS)
September 21

每一天都是祢为我预备的彩虹


每一天都是祢为我预备的彩虹,
每一日都有我对祢新的发现。
或是恬静的微风中,
或是抑郁的愁云下,
我都体会祢的心情,我都感恩。

每一刻都享有祢的拥抱,
每一秒都要迫切回到祢身边,
粘住祢,拉住祢, 挨靠祢的膀臂,紧贴祢的胸怀。

也许我带不走更多的回忆,
并且这一次再不能留下(也许将来可以)…….
我要去履行我做女儿的责任,
但我希望把爱留下。

每一天我都当成我在这里的最后一天来过,
每一个受造,彰显,爱与被爱的机会我都不想放过!
我不知前面每一天我是否能继续持守如此的生活,
也不知回去后能否如此洞察,感受,经历!
但我要!
不靠自己。主,我倚靠祢!
是祢让我的人生丰富,让我的心富足!

 

------- August 30, 2009 @ 7:10am, Hali Hill, Gaborone, Botswana



April 18

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted."

Often time, I found myself being labelled as worthless by the person whom I loved the most.
I felt worthless, yet I knew life is not about me, it's about God.
Long ago I've made peace wtih God, that
I don't live for the approval of men, but I live for God.

I mourn for my mistakes, weakness, and shame...
I mourn for the sins that pulled us away from God,
the sins of my own,
the sins of the girls I visit,
and the sins of a world sometimes so strange to me...
I mourn for how much I fall short of God's grace, yet He lavishes it over me like the pouring rain...

I don't want to have a hard heart, nor a senseless spirit.
I want to be renewed day-by-day, be comforted with the supassing peace.

My Lord, I need You. I need You to tell me and tell the person whom I loved the most,
of how much You want us, of how much worth we have in Your sight...

In the Bible, it was recorded You wept openly twice,
but I knew there must have been more, for You were 'acquainted with grief'...
Yet no where it was recorded that You laughed or smiled, why is that?!!
I need You to tell me what You want me to do in Africa...



April 11

耶稣基督的手 Jesus' Hand


被钉穿的手是创造我的手;
这是曾使瞎子看见的手, 
 是让瘸子行走, 让哑巴说话的手,
 是曾摸麻风病人的手,
 是曾为门徒洗脚的手,
 是这手平静了我心中的风浪,
 是这手掰开第一张代表祢身体的饼, 举起第一杯代表祢宝血的杯.
我愿意一生都在这手中, 这温暖复苏我心的手!!

--- 写于4月5日掰饼聚会

今天是Good Friday, 听到Beth弟弟的死讯, 我感受她的悲伤...
往往我们在每次失去的时候, 才体会曾经爱的太少...
唯愿神的平安在失去的人心中作主, 在我们每一个心中成为力量.
不要再遗憾, 不要再失去一个灵魂!
生命在神的手中, 但因为爱我们, 祂甘愿舍了.
复活也在神, 祂要让我们因着信和恩典与祂一同复活!
My Lord, You are every reason that I live!



March 23

From enmity to amity ...

从仇敌到亲睦, 从憎恨到友谊,
是神用爱和解, 废弃了冤仇, 挽回了亲情与友情...
 
祂用自己的身体建立了桥梁, 拆毁了一切阻隔在人与神, 人与人之间的墙.
还有什么比这更难的么?
但是祂, 成就了最不可能的!
 
如此, 祂让这样的事成就在我身上, 让我可以和与自己很不同的人成为朋友.
我们彼此尊敬, 彼此信任, 彼此关爱...
因为每一个人, 不论我们的肤色, 背景, 文化, 过往经历, 优点缺点有多么不同,
在神面前, 我们是平等的 -  我们都是有血有肉, 有丰富情感的; 我们都是经过祂精心创造的, 有着祂灵的.
 
It is God, who showed me again, how completely and wonderfully He has broke down all barriers, abolished all differences, and brought me to be able to befriend with one that's different from me. We grew to respect, to trust, and to love each other. He has united us into one family in Christ.
 
March 22

Few of my favorite songs

 
February 18

How did it fade away?

Sitting in the car, by the stars and city lights, I began to wonder...

How did it all fade away?

In the beginning there was trust.

A word was kept with all the effort.

Surprises were made to sweeten the days...

Hopes, dreams, expectations were very much alive.

Yet...

The good times only lasted till I was born.

 

I wonder, still, of the way I am,

Why do I believe it all even in the mist of all the broken pieces?

Why do I have so much of it inside me?

Why?

One thing she told me made all the sense to me ---

Because she carried me with love.

Because I was conceived, formed, delivered, when there was still love.

 

I am amazed at His goodness.

Indeed, it is indescribably comforting to know that

"For everything God does, He does it with all that He is."

I believe if ever I ask my Lord, "Why are YOU so good to me?"

He will tell me because that's just Who He is...

God is good.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

O Fast and Gone,

How great is God,

How small am I,

A mote in the illimitable sky,

And lets the glory deep and wide and high

Of heaven's unclouded sun,

Ne'er to forget myself forevermore,

Lost, swallowed up in love's immensity.

The sea that knows no sounding and no shore,

God only there, not I,

Nor nearer than I am to myself can be

Art Thou to me.

So have I lost myself in finding Thee.

The boundless heaven of Thine eternal love

Around me and beneath me and above

In glory of that golden day,

The former things are passed away,

Aye, passed away.

--- Gerhard Tersteegen, Germany silk weaver
 
February 03

DARE

<1> Thursday
When I turned around, I saw her again... but not in the way I wished.
In fact, I was in utter shock, not knowing the right facial expression, I said "hi"...
There was she, 100 pounds smaller, tired, with dark and distorted face, restless.
Her eyes were red; was she ashamed to see me again??
I hugged her again and again, till she walked away, slowly, carrying the pain.
Holding my emotions, I finished the rest of the day.
When I finally got into the car, I had a good cry.......
My heart was tore apart; I didn't know how to respond ---
Lord, what do you expect of me?
 
<2> Saturday
I know I'm supposed to take into heart only 50% of the promises from such a person,
I know I'm not encouraged to be emotionally involved,
I know I must be prepared for the worse at the back of my mind, while showing hope for the best...
YET, how hard it is to be indifferent?!!
On one hand I can be fact-based rational so to be emotionally protected, and on the other hand,
I can foster some hope at the risk of being disappointed...
Between the two options, I choose the latter one.
After more than 3 months of silence, we met again.
Happy to see her, but at the same time heart-broken...
 
<3> Monday
I thank God for this encounter.
Because after this, I can face it again. It won't stop me.
I still expect change, expect maturity, expect responsibility, and expect a love so strong that casts out ALL fear.
As long as I'm in this city one more day, I will come one more day.
If God doesn't give up, I will follow His lead.
She was hungry tonight, which was a good sign...
I learned that she couldn't call me because she lost all her mails;
It wasn't because she didn't want to, so at least that was some comfort.
I walked with her to get medication... By now she was much more comfortable to have me around...
"Well, don't think they'll let you in here."
"I know. I'll see you in two weeks."
We hugged,
"I love you."
"I love you too."
.......
I don't know how long she'll live, but I know God's arm is longer.
I don't know what might be the next time, but I know God is beyond time.
I don't know if she will change for the better, but I know I must be the change I wish to see...
 
<4> To be continued
I believe this is not the end of God's story.......
December 30

Dance with me, will You?

 
Let me be in the sweet spot of Your heart!
请和我跳舞, 可以吗?
今生今世, 永生永世...
拉住我的手, 抱紧我, 别让我走.
 
让我呵护祢的心,
我是祢胸口的一根肋骨.
让我的手拥抱祢血和水流出的心,
让我归到被造的原位.
 
哪里有孤儿的哭泣, 让我在那里;
哪里有被囚之人的寂寞, 让我在那里;
哪里有无家之人的失望, 让我在那里;
哪里有病残之人的呻吟, 让我在那里...
让我, 在祢看顾的角落,
随着祢的心而去...
 
无论做什么, 无论到哪里,
让我在祢心上甜蜜的位置.
 
让我的微笑触动祢的心,
Let me be in the sweet spot of Your heart's will!
让我在祢心意中最甜的位置!
 
*面对人生的下一个阶段, 我想我的心境不言而喻.......
  (诗中虽未写入一个爱字, 但处处都表达着我的爱Red heart)
 
December 19

2009 goal

 
I wish to be a person who's not afraid
to speak out what God has done in my life!
 
December 18

A white Christmas...

早上见到白色的温哥华, 出奇的冷... 但心里是火热的.
眼睛已经睏的睁不开... 但还是不停的想笑出来.
 
神的奇迹是圆满的, 让我别无所求.
当祂决定要给我, 给我们一个 miracle,
在许多等待之后是爆发性的, 让人措手不及...
 
一切都是那么出乎意料, 让我被 absolutely blown away;
但当我细细想想神自己, 了解祂的好,
一切却又都在意料之中...
 
我下午3点起来, 现在又睏的不行了...
我想好好睡一下,
起来为神活的更好~
 
"人生得知己, 死而无憾! " ^^
Thank you ...
December 06

A special Christmas letter to you...

Hello dear friend!
 
Well, as you know, it's time for my birthday again. Last year, they had a real big party for me and it seems like they will again this year. After all, they've been shopping and preparing for it for months now, and there have been announcements and advertisements almost everyday about how soon it's coming! They really do go overboard about it, but it's nice to know that at least on one day of the year some people are thinking about me a little.
 
You know, it's been many years now since they first started celebrating my birthday. Back then they seemed to realize and appreciate how much fun it is for the little children. Just the same, it seems that most folks are missing the point of it all. Like last year, for example: When my birthday came around, they threw a big party, but can you believe it?... I wasn't invited! Imagine! The guest of honor, and they forgot all about me! Here they had begun preparing for the festivities two months in advance, but when the big day came, I was left out in the cold!
 
Well, it happened so many times in recent years, I wasn't even surprised. Even though I wasn't invited, I thought I'd just quietly slip in anyway. So I came in and stood off to the side. Everyone was drinking, laughing and having a grand time, when all of the sudden, in came this fat fellow in a bright red suit, wearing a phony white beard and shouting, "Ho Ho Ho!"
 
He looked like he had more than enough to drink, but he somehow managed to weave his way running the floor while everyone cheered. When he collapsed into a big armchair, all the children went running over to him excitedly yelling, "Santa!! Santa!!"
 
I mean, you'd have thought he was the guest of honor and the whole holiday was in his honor! Then he began telling them the most ridiculous stories you've ever heard ... that he lived at the North Pole with a crew of dwarfs and that every year on my birthday he rides in his sleigh pulled by a bunch of flying reindeers, delivering presents to children all over the world!! I mean there wasn't a word of truth in anything he said! Imagine telling such poor, little, impressionable kids such far-fetched fables! Finally I just had to leave, I walked out of the door, and it was hardly surprising that no one even noticed that I had gone.
 
As I walked on the street afterward, I felt about as lonely and forlorn as stray dogs! I could hardly remember the last time I'd felt that low. Maybe you do not think I cry...........
 
Another thing that amazes me is how, on my birthday, instead of giving me presents, most people give presents to each other! And to top it all off, it's usually all kinds of stuff they don't even need! Let me ask you, wouldn't you find it odd if when your birthday came along, all your friends decided to celebrate it by giving each other presents and never gave you a thing? Someone once told me, well, it's because you're not around like other people are, so how can we give you a present?
 
You know my answer to that one: Then give gifts of food and clothing to the poor, help those who need it. Go visit the lonely! I said, Listen, any gift you give to your needy fellowmen, I'll count as if you gave it to me personally! (See Matthew 25:34-40)
 
Well sad to say, things are getting worse each year. You can just imagine my shock a few years ago when I began seeing them taking my name out of my birthday greeting and replacing it with an X. What an insult!! Think of it!...X-mas!! What if I wrote you a birthday card and said Happy Birthday X! You'd probably never talk to me again!
 
And that's just about how I feel, I mean what more could they do to push me right out of the picture on my own birthday? It reminds me of what happened recently to a friend of mine, a sweet elderly fellow. He's from the poorer side of town and he's been trying unsuccessfully for years to join the church. But it was a very exclusive church for the proper kind of folks, and they just did not think he was good enough to be a member.
 
I found him one day sitting by the church steps with his head on his hands bowed and I asked him what was wrong, he told me about it, I put my arm around his shoulder and told him I knew how he felt. I've been wanting to enter that same church for twenty years and they've never let me in either! Well, there's an end even to my patience. So I'm going to let you in on a secret.........
 
Now this is something I've been planning on doing for quite sometime, but the way things are going, I think I'm planning of holding my own party! How about that? It's going to be the biggest most fantastic feast you could possibly imagine! It might not happen this year, but I'm sending out invitations now anyway because I know you'll want to come.
 
There's going to be room for billions, for everyone who wants to come! Some really famous old timers and celebrities are going to be there and I'll reserve you a seat of honor right with them! (Matthew 8:11)
 
So hold on to your hat because when everything is ready, I'm going to spring it as a big surprise and a lot of people are going to be left out in the cold, because they didn't answer my invitation!! Let me know right away if you'd like to come, and I'll reserve you a place and, write your name in large golden letters in my BIG GUEST BOOK!!
 
Much Love, JESUS
 
This was the letter read to all the girls at the once-a-year Christmas party today (or actually last night)... To them, this might be the only celebration they get for Christmas; while each of us might have several ahead. What to us simple snacks, to them might be the only feast with so much variety... This letter is also a great reminder for me, to know that He is always round, that He is the center of our parties, and that the feast He's holding is our eternal hope!
 
Time has gone by and I've been visiting inmates for a year. I've made friends with people I've never thought that I'd be friends with in the past. Besides, it's such a priviledge to witness the dedication of the ladies whom I volunteer together with in this ministry. Through service, we learned about each other's strengths and weaknesses, fears and specialty... I was excited to discover that, out of each of our own imperfection, we hold the same belief, in the good Samaritan, in the prodigal's father, in a Lord who does not give up nor forget. They are my everyday heroes!
 
Ever since Thanksgiving, I started to listen to all Christmas songs... But let us never miss the main character! Though it's not yet, but I can't wait to say:
Happy Birthday, Jesus! My Lord, I love You!
November 12

You've made my day!

I felt the heavy rock has been lifted up from my shoulders, just because few lines of words from someone whose voice I've been longed for.
It made my day! You've made my day!
 
It's been awhile that I have felt that things are, unwillingly, stagnant... although I knew at the back of my mind, so well, that God was making all the progress He intended in His time, perfect time. I started, unaware, to withdraw myself from almost everything, sitting at the back roll, forgetting how BIG God was, or is... till now, I realized how much He's been trying to use different ways and encounters to pull me back, and one radio show reminded me with a head-on blow:
My offense would never be too big for God to forgive. 
 
I knew this before, but I needed to be reminded. One of the visiting night, we in groups read a quote, "I've learned... that love, not time, heals all wounds." After reading one girl pointed out that she disagreed with it, "I think it's both."
Later I to myself thought, indeed, it's both. "Love", because God the One who heals claims that He is Love; whereas "time", because God the One who created it use it as a tool for healing... together, I could hope.
 
Although there's still healing to be waited, yet I'm grateful to know that I can move on again, feel that everything is better. I made a few decisions, out of which I chose "believe" over reservation and fear, over camouflage and skepticism. I know I need to live for something real, something (as a friend reminded me) eternal and unseen... For a time I've always dreamed about writing the ending of my story (though for many times I surrendered, or I thought I did surrender my life to Him), but I realized now that the wise thing to do is to surrender my pen to Him --- the Lord of my life, the Dream Giver --- and say "Please write my ending."
 
It's almost the end of the year... so I can't help but to revisit one of the wish I had at the beginning of the year: "To know people by heart." It's such a hard thing to learn! --- Mostly because of my prejudice, existing concepts, colored glasses... because I'm living in a world so used to judge by one action, one comment, one look, for which I'm remorseful. I've learned that, good or bad, sincere or cunning, generous or selfish, wise or silly, slow or fast, broad or narrow, forgiving or resenting... after all, each is just a relative term to each person, not absolute; each is just a partial opinion, not universal. I ask for God's light, if only I can see through the thick clouds to the other side, if only I can see with Jesus' eye, then I can see the beautiful side, I can have my heart cleansed and enlightened, and I thirst for it!
 
 
Here I am, growing up; again, coming out from my once ideal world, wounded, broken, shocked and disappointed... YET I learned one thing that's beyond all the negatives, and that is, best reflected by another quote we read during that visiting night:
"I've learned... that no one is perfect until you fall in love with them." And I added, whether to fall in love with them in the first place, is a choice. I choose so! Because I believe every human is no more human than another, and we are all equal before God, longing for a chance. It was then, I began to see the beauty...
 
 our greatest fear
October 20

Remember me

--- by Mark Schultz

Remember me
In a Bible cracked and faded by the years
Remember me
In a santuary filled with silent prayers

Remember me
When the color of the sunset fills the sky
Remember me
When you pray and the tears of joy
fall from your eyes

Remember me
When the children leave
their Sunday school with smiles
Remember me
When they're old enough to teach
Old enough to preach
Old enough to leave

CHORUS:
And age to age
And heart to heart
Bound by grace and peace
Child of wonder, Child of God
I'll remember you
Remember Me

Age to age and heart to heart
Child of wonder child of God

Remember me

Age to age and heart to heart
Child of wonder child of God

I will always remember you... dear sister, and friend...

October 07

To live is Christ.

 
------- by F. W. H. Myers (1843 - 1901)
 
 
This hath He done; and shall we not adore Him?
This shall He do; and can we still despair?
Come, let us quickly fling ourselves before Him,
Cast at His feet the burden of our care.
 
 
Yea, thro' life, death, thro' sorrow and thro' sinning,
He shall suffice me, for He hath sufficed;
Christ is the end --- for Christ was the beginning,
Christ the beginning --- for the end is Christ.
 
 
If ever I am to remember anything, let me remember this.
Let His Lordship alone satisfy me.
And He is able and eager, to come and help
the helpless... such a one like me...
 
September 28

The Call

  
September 22

The First Day of Fall in 2008...

"The call of God is like the call of the sea; no one hears it but the one who has the nature of the sea in him." --- Oswald Chambers
 
Today is the first day of autumn, my most favorite season...
 
Long ago I've made up my mind, and wrote on the first page of my Bible, "to love those whom no one seems to love"... to learn how God loves... and I don't know since when I realized it has become almost the only thing I could write about. I also realized that "mission" is what's God's will for me, whereas "goal" is what's my will for myself; and when the mission and the goal of my life match, echo, coincide, it tells what "purpose" I was made for and it becomes the "vision" of my life.
 
And I plead that, if my purpose here on earth can aid, one way or another, even one more soul whom the Lord loves to be with Him once more, let me be on this earth a little longer!
 
"去爱主所爱" --- even those no one loves --- if this was what I was created for, then I discovered a wonderful thing today: that is I am living & embracing what I was created for, to do, and to be!
 
Oh my dearest Lord, help me to continue my dream, our dream...
September 05

每天祢在我心房的花圃中, 种下一只花

yellow_rose_saigon
Each day, the Lord plants a flower in the garden of my heart...
 
每天祢在我心房的花圃中, 种下一只花...
我想好好地品尝祢的爱, 每日的甜味都不一样.
 
今天祢种的花, 名叫 "情感"
让我回忆起与弟兄姐妹的片段, 读着收到的书签,
仿佛回到'授受'那一刻的情景, 体会那时
的情感, 我 ----- 感受到祢在那里.
 
今天祢种的花, 名叫 "坚持"
当我fail或失败受挫, 但仍笑了出来, 因我
知道祢一样爱我, 乐意抱紧我, 不会因为这个改变.
我体会祢的坚持, 是一种属天的执著.
 
爱, 可以轰轰烈烈, 也可以柔和细腻. 祢种的花, 让我体会到全部...
 
今天祢种的花, 名叫 "幸福"
使我知道自己在被深深的爱着,
我享受祢的专注, 祢的undivided attention.
这只花的香气宜人, 充满我心房的花圃,
让我深深的呼吸到 ----- 幸福的滋味.
 

今天祢种的花, 名叫 "家人"
让我认识到最重要的人... 我不再甘心于
一个地区的弟兄姐妹, 我原来 ----- 因着祢自己 -----
拥有全世界的家人, 拥有the greater Church,
拥有爱的团契, 拥有一个家, 永恒的家乡.

 

今天祢种的花, 名叫 "生命"
她很特别, 种子要埋得很深, 并且要先裂开, 死去...
枝芽才能长出来, 花朵才能放开!
她的花期虽然短暂, 但是我想,
她是我心房的花圃中, 最美丽的一朵.

....... 

今天, 祢在我心房的花圃中, 种下什么花?
 
August 19

Love like I have never been hurt !

 
 CC, " for me? Giraffe from Rwanda? Oh Hil..."
 Hil, " well, you asked for them, didn't you?"
 CC, " tell me about it..."
 Hil, " i will likely share this on Sunday ---"
 CC, " i'll call you... if you do, i shall spend a Sunday with you~"
 
 CC, " Hil, i haven't been able to cry.... for some time. And it's not like me... i think, one who's able to grief properly is a gift... a gift of healing."
 Hil, " well, what make you to say that?"
 CC, " she told me today her mom has just passed away... and she sounded... sad, but didnot cry. i thought, for one face such tragedies one after another, maybe she's too shoked and depressed to be able to show any proper griefing... maybe, she's dried up from all the tears..."
 Hil, " maybe she's crying inside... you are important to her [Hil turned to look at me into the eyes]. And she kept her promise to you that she drummed for you, rite?"
 CC, " me? important..."
 Hil, " yes. you also drummed well today, with them. Let the Holy Spirit intervene... i know you were praying."
 Me, " you know? ha... how? ... but yes i was. i prayed that all the people, drumming or listening, will offer our lives to God, or renew our offerings for those who've already did... i am free to be His instrument... [smile] "
 
 Hil, " you never know the outcome of every interaction."
 CC, " [looking at Hil] thank you. i think, this year so far i've experienced more than what i've read. M has gone, and i didn't get to see her one more time... i wonder if she'll call or write to me?"
 Hil, " good. in this ministry u'll learn to love like you've never been hurt before."
 CC, " ha, yes, i so need to learn that, so need..."
 
 Hil, " you think you'll be safe getting home alone by the skytrain?"
 CC, " yes, i will. thank you Hil."
 Hil, " well, you're not exactly alone, are you? [Hil smiled & hugged me]"
 CC, " no.... [smile back] i have my Lord."
 Hil, " bye. goodnite."
 CC, " goodnite. bye. will call you!"
 
 I did something radical today. In the rain, under the bridge, by the sea... as my way of saying to God, "You are altogether lovely, and I renew my offering to You, at all cost. Here I am on earth just as a traveller, yet I love life, the life given by You to me and offered by me back to You. Please let my love to You grow, with the story of a lifetime..."
 
Maybe one day, when the time comes, I'll be able to cry again, to grief properly and to bring healing to the heart. Yet I certainly felt the pain, from one who is forced to keep away from the very place that she loves...
 
 "for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure." (Philippians 2:13)
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August 13

When catastrophe strike...

Yesterday I faced a question; it's about what it means to me when catastrophe strike...
To many of us, it is the time that truly reveals what's important and dear.
'Things' that once we hold on to will fade away its color, but
'people' that once we might neglect will become priceless.
What we thought was important will no longer be at that very moment, yet what we didn't realize its importance will be so...
 
Wallet, credit card, keys, or once favorite shirt and shoes will worth nothing, compared to...
A conversation, a love note, a memory of quality time, a phone call, a smile, a laugh, a glance...
 
I pray that I won't need to wait till when catastrophe strike, to learn what's the most important to me, and what I should let go,
in exchange for 'the most important' to occupy fully my heart, my life, my destiny, my all.
 

 (Ecclesiastes 3:1-15)

 Everything Has Its Time
 To everything there is a season,

      A time for every purpose under heaven: 
      A time to be born,
 And a time to die; 
      A time to plant,
 And a time to pluck what is planted; 
      A time to kill,
 And a time to heal;
      A time to break down,
 And a time to build up; 
      A time to weep,
 And a time to laugh;
      A time to mourn,
 And a time to dance; 
      A time to cast away stones,
 And a time to gather stones;
      A time to embrace,
 And a time to refrain from embracing; 
      A time to gain,
 And a time to lose;
      A time to keep,
 And a time to throw away; 
      A time to tear,
 And a time to sew;
      A time to keep silence,
 And a time to speak; 
      A time to love,
 And a time to hate;
      A time of war,
 And a time of peace.
 
The God-Given Task
 What profit has the worker from that in which he labors? I have seen the God-given task with which the sons of men are to be occupied. He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also  He has put eternity in their hearts, except that no one can find out  the work that God does from beginning to end.

 I know that nothing is better for them than to rejoice, and to do good in their lives, and also that every man should eat and drink and enjoy the good of all his labor—it is the gift of God.
      I know that whatever God does,
      It shall be forever.
      Nothing can be added to it,
      And nothing taken from it.
      God does it, that men should fear before Him. 
      That which is has already been,
      And what is to be has already been;
      And God requires an account of what is past.


July 31

Silence...

 I want to learn to stand in God's presence,
 mouth shut,
 heart open...
July 22

" 爱神, 随心所欲 "

 
当我看到她的时候, 她总会肆无忌惮地说出她有多么想念我... 她是那种当你鼓起勇气说出 "朋友, 我爱你" 时, 毫无迟疑地回上一句 "我也爱你" 的人. 我们促膝谈心, 提到她刚刚去世的姐姐, 她的眼睛充满了泪水. 在这一时刻, 那个瞬间, 我能做的只有抱住她, 把头紧挨她的头, 陪伴她... 是啊, 每当重要和亲爱的人离开或逝去时, 是多么令人悲伤啊!
 
倾诉之后, 她见我们坐在院子里的木椅上有些百无聊赖; 在夕阳的余辉之下, 她竟主动唱起了她曾与姐姐一同跳舞的歌曲. 她的声音豪放明亮, 响彻山谷... 很有与生俱来的native味道. 唱得兴起, 她竟跳起了那段舞. 我不禁也跟着她转着圈跳起来, 虽然知道必定不能代替她姐姐, 但多少提供一些陪伴和支持... 之后我们放肆的开怀大笑, 还真是怀念呢! 我抬起头, 看着四围的山林, 蓝色的天空, 泛着红晕的丝丝云彩, 归巢的飞鸟, 再看看她的脸, 仿佛坦然了很多, 和谐了很多...
 
正想着我也应唱些什么关于主的, 作为回应; 让我们惊讶的是, 她竟先开始了... 几句歌词印象很深:
" I'm only human, I'm just a woman.
Help me believe in what I could be
And all that I am.
Show me the stairway, I have to climb.
Lord for my sake, teach me to take
One day at a time.

Chorus:
One day at a time sweet Jesus
That's all I'm asking from you.
Just give me the strength
To do everyday what I have to do.
Yesterday's gone sweet Jesus
And tomorrow may never be mine.
Lord help me today, show me the way
One day at a time.

Do you remember, when you walked among men?
Well Jesus you know if you're looking below
It's worse now, than then.
Cheating and stealing, violence and crime
So for my sake, teach me to take
One day at a time. " 
 
正是她所需要的话语, 告别昨日的懊悔和思念, 抓住今天, 面对明天... 临别时我告诉她, "Tomorrow is even better! --- The sun will be brighter!" 再见, 朋友! 下一次我来听你击native的鼓, 也许我们会再次如大卫般在神的帐幕前作乐跳舞, 未尝不可! 我想起了这句话:
 
"Live like there's no tomorrow, sing like no one's listening, and dance like no one's watching."
 
回到家, 我看到了她的来信... 是一周以前写的, 刚好今天到了, 十分亲切. 我忆起前些日子听到一个人问我只是volunteer去见她么? 如果仅此而已, 那意义何在?? 回来一路上, 主回答了我的疑问, 宽慰了我的心: 原来主所要的, 不只是volunteer, 而是我的presence和availability, 剩下的祂会动工, 祂会负责的. 我坚信,
 
" 爱神, 随心所欲! "
 
因为在 "爱神" 的前提下所 "欲" 的心志, 必定是随着神的心意! 最终, 在一切之后的目的, 是永恒的新天新地, 是如此美满的结局:
 
" ...认识耶和华的知识要充满遍地,好像水充满洋海一般。" (以赛亚书11:9)
 
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July 16

I Am Not Skilled To Understand

1821-1888, written in 1873

I am not skilled to understand
What God hath willed, what God hath planned;
I only know that at His right hand
Is One Who is my Savior!

I take Him at His word indeed;
“Christ died for sinners”—this I read;
For in my heart I find a need
Of Him to be my Savior!

That He should leave His place on high
And come for sinful man to die,
You count it strange? So once did I,
Before I knew my Savior!

And oh, that He fulfilled may see
The travail of His soul in me,
And with His work contented be,
As I with my dear Savior!

Yea, living, dying, let me bring
My strength, my solace from this Spring;
That He Who lives to be my King
Once died to be my Savior!

http://oldpoetry.com/opoem/46321-Dora-Greenwell-I-Am-Not-Skilled-To-Understand

A song by Aaron Shust was then written from this old poem - My Savior My God.

July 07

The Perfect Heart (Parable)

I would like to share with you a story... It reminded me of the Lord's heart.
~~~~~~~
One day a young man was standing in the middle of the town proclaiming that he had the most beautiful heart in the whole valley. A large crowd gathered and they all admired his heart for it was perfect. There was not a mark or a flaw in it. Yes, they all agreed it truly was the most beautiful heart they had ever seen. The young man was very proud and boasted more loudly about his beautiful heart.

Suddenly, an old man appeared at the front of the crowd and said "Why your heart is not nearly as beautiful as mine." The crowd and the young man looked at the old man's heart. It was beating strongly, but full of scars, it had places where pieces had been removed and other pieces put in, but they didn't fit quite right and there were several jagged edges. In fact, in some places there were deep gouges where whole pieces were missing.

The people stared - how can he say his heart is more beautiful, they thought? The young man looked at the old man's heart and saw its state and laughed. "You must be joking," he said. "Compare your heart with mine, mine is perfect and yours is a mess of scars and tears."

"Yes," said the old man, "Yours is perfect looking but I would never trade with you. You see, every scar represents a person to whom I have given my love - I tear out a piece of my heart and give it to them, and often they give me a piece of their heart which fits into the empty place in my heart, but because the pieces aren't exact, I have some rough edges, which I cherish, because they remind me of the love we shared. Sometimes I have given pieces of my heart away, and the other person hasn't returned a piece of his heart to me. These are the empty gouges -- giving love is taking a chance.

Although these gouges are painful, they stay open, reminding me of the love I have for these people too, and I hope someday they may return and fill the space I have waiting. So now do you see what true beauty is?"

The young man stood silently with tears running down his cheeks. He walked up to the old man, reached into his perfect young and beautiful heart, and ripped a piece out. He offered it to the old man with trembling hands. The old man took his offering, placed it in his heart and then took a piece from his old scarred heart and placed it in the wound in the young man's heart. It fit, but not perfectly, as there were some jagged edges. The young man looked at his heart, not perfect anymore but more beautiful than ever, since love from the old man's heart flowed into his. They embraced and walked away side by side.

How sad it must be to go through life with a whole untouched heart.
[Copied from http://www.skywriting.net/inspirational/stories/the_perfect_heart--parable.html]
~~~~~~~
The most beuatiful heart is a GIVING heart... and forever, I treasure this heart.

Few things I have decided to change after reading this story:
* I won't mind anymore the pieces I tore out from my heart;
* I won't regret anymore the empty gouges inside me, waiting to be filled;
* I won't be afraid anymore of taking chances to love;
* I won't care so much anymore of being perfect but untouched;
* I won't trade all the memories I had toring my heart and allowing other's love flown into mine...

100_9840 100_98412

June 27

Lead Me to the Cross

 In about 6 hours, I will see my childhood friend whom
 I haven't seen face-to-face for more than 4 years...
 How exciting!~
 The very next day we'll go on a trip to Rockies...
 Of course, with me I will bring my Bible, my journal, my camera,
 two books that I might not have time to read but I'll carry anyway... and
 A longing heart...
 
 Lately I learned more about forgiveness -
 the choice saying that I would never bring up this thing again to against you...
 saying that I will think good of  you and do good for you and be-friended with you again...
 and saying that I would not talk to others about what you did wrong to me...
 regardless if there's a guarantee that you won't do the same wrong again...
 That, is true forgiveness.
 
 I wish this trip would bring me, and all of us, closer to the Cross...
 As I can reach a peace-point,
 where "everything I once held dear I count it all as lost", to gain YOU - Adonai. 
 

 Lead Me to the Cross - Hillsong

 Savior I come
 Quiet my soul remember
 Redemptions hill
 Where Your blood was spilled
 For my ransom 
 
 Everything I once held dear
 I count it all as lost
 
 Lead me to the cross
 Where Your love poured out
 Bring me to my knees
 Lord I lay me down
 Rid me of myself
 I belong to You
 Lead me, lead me to the cross
 
 You were as I
 Tempted and trialed
 You are
 The word became flesh
 Bore my sin and death
 Now you're risen
 
 To your heart
 To your heart
 Lead me to your heart
 Lead me to your heart

 

June 23

"Earth has no sorrow that Heaven cannot heal" ...

Perfect White Lily 
Last night I received a news, that a special friend's sister has just passed away...
 
I knew both of them... and their life and mine have been gratefully connected through a video...
It's quite a story, one which I had a part to fulfill, but only half-way she's gone...
 
A life just slipped away like that, silently, as the world goes on...
As if it's the strain between finger tips, with a breeze of wind, gone like that...
But it weighs heavy in my heart.
It makes me wonder if I could, or should have try harder!
Adonai, if I could give up all that I have, just to participate in saving one soul,
Only one, I would be so contented...
 
I chose a card for her --- the one remains and hurting... and I can't wait to see her tonight...
To give her a big, tight hug, just like the one she gave to me...
It says,
 
"Sometimes, there's simply are no words...
  Sometimes it is simply
  the hope in our hearts
  and the faith in our souls
  that comfort us
  and let us begin anew"
 
I wish her peace and healing...
One thing I have marked in my journal was that,
"A day without God is a day wasted".
And I pray hard that I shall not live such a day for the rest of my life...
 
When I see her, I hope the mesage I will deliver is that,
"Earth has no sorrow that Heaven cannot heal."
 
She has a different fate than her sister, to the least I hope...
A fate that leads her to a different life, a good life, a love-filled life...
A fate that initiates today, that leads her to peace ---
Shalom.
 
 
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Si Alan T.wrote:
留言第一人! 很给面子吧?
Apr. 16

Caroline Chen

Occupation
Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life.
你要保守你心, 胜过保守一切。因为一生的果效, 是由心发出。(Proverbs 箴言 4:23)

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